January 2026 has flown by. When I look back in years to come, I suspect I will view this as a pivotal month. This was the official start of Rupen 2.0. Well, that’s the dream, the hope.
But at the moment, it feels like a mess.
Mentally, I am all over the place. This hasn’t changed much since I wrote about things last week. The slightest change has completely dysregulated me. It’s a paradox: I am not knee-deep in work. I am not stressing out about meeting targets or dealing with a barrage of incoming emails. I am totally free from all of that. But I’m realising that is precisely where the dysregulation is coming from—compounded by the fact that I haven’t worked in the traditional sense for a year.
The doubts that I mentioned last week do remain, but less so. I can’t foresee the future, but I know that if I didn’t try what I’m doing here now, I would probably regret it.
The Double-Edged Sword of Freedom
The freedom is undeniable, but it cuts both ways. There is nobody checking that I am coming to the office. There is no one verifying that I have done my allocated tasks for the day. It is all on me.
I have to embrace this responsibility now. The reality is simple: if I don't get disciplined, I don't earn. It is a massive mindset shift from a career spent working inside organisations.
I know it’s early days. I know I will find my rhythm. But I’d be lying if I said I didn't have bouts of anxiety. What am I doing here? How did it get to this?
Fortunately, these spiral moments are minor. Deep down, I know the reality: it is down to me now to create my own structure and build my own platform.
Nuggets of Wisdom
I had conversations this month with some very interesting people who helped anchor me. A few things stood out:
- "Talk to everyone." Simple, but essential.
- The path not taken: Someone reminded me, "If you had been fine at your old job, you would never have gone down this path." It was a necessary reminder of why I am here.
- Seasons of life: Life is about seasons. One person I spoke to had done the "portfolio season"—and enjoyed it—but now felt ready for a new challenge. He was glad to have done the portfolio career and learnt a lot from it. It was a good perspective to hear.
- Tech joy: On a lighter note, someone shared using their XR Glasses for work. For him, they were his best investment for 2025. For me, they were awesome to try—but I’ll have to wait until I can justify purchasing them!
The Evidence vs. The Feeling
In the moment, I feel like I am bouncing from place to place, jumping from thought to thought. But when I force myself to stop and take a step back, the evidence tells a different story. I have actually done a lot in January:
- Business: I started at GPS and landed my first two clients (one direct, one referred).
- Infrastructure: I migrated my website to a new domain with a complete revamp, and sorted out a massive Google Workspace data migration (definitely something to write about in the future).
- A 15-Year Loop Closed: Finally, after 15 years of passing the OLQE, I’ve submitted my application for a Hong Kong admission.
- Life: We celebrated the kids' birthday and I did a 1km fun run with them.
- Writing: I continued to consistently write for the blog and help author a bulletin for GPS.
Deeply Personal
With my “rebrand”, my website has become more professional looking. However, I’ve made a very deliberate decision to continue sharing my sometimes very personal thoughts on the same platform.
Some people, including myself, have queried this. I debated and agonised whether to maintain two separate identities (one professional and one more personal) or go all in on one. I landed on the latter. I’ve taken the view that people (both personally and professionally) these days want to know the “whole” you, rather than a perfect image.
I’m sharing a very personal journey as part of my professional image. It is how I identify myself to the outside world. Whether it's the right strategy, only time will tell. I may tweak it in the future, but at the moment, it's what I want to do.
Looking Ahead
I still remain out of sync. Sleep and the ability to "turn off" remain a battle, and it has affected my training routine.
But I know this is temporary. I will find my rhythm.
This month hasn't been made easier by some personal headaches, but in a strange way, it is easier because I am not so consumed by work. I have the space to deal with life, even while I'm building this new version of it.
Welcome to Rupen 2.0. It’s messy, but it’s moving.