The Wobble
The doubts are starting to creep in. Is this the right thing to do? Have I bitten off more than I can chew? And I’m only two weeks into my new portfolio career setup at GPS Legal!
It’s not a “I’ve made a terrible mistake” situation. More like that moment when you commit to something significant and the initial adrenaline wears off. When the novelty fades and you’re left with the actual work. The weight of it.
Learning New Ground
Learning a new law. New practice areas. Getting to grips with Hong Kong law after years focused on offshore jurisdictions. And underneath all of that, the quiet but persistent awareness that there’s no monthly pay cheque landing at the end of the month. No safety net. Just commission, consulting fees, and the work I generate myself.
That realisation sits heavier than I expected.
The Reality of Disruption
I haven’t been sleeping well. My mind just keeps on spinning. Not productive problem-solving—just anxiety dressed up as planning. I’m procrastinating on the things that matter. Jumping between tasks without finishing any of them properly. Trying to figure out my business plan and strategy whilst also trying to deliver work and build momentum.
I’m breaking my own rules: staying up late on the computer, telling myself it’s “just one more thing.” Skipping my stretches. Letting screens bleed into the hours when they shouldn’t. The red lines are being crossed.
Even the most minor changes, I’m relearning, can throw your equilibrium completely off balance.
The Surprising Part
Here’s what I wasn’t expecting though: I’m both surprised and not surprised by my mental state. Surprised because I thought I’d built enough resilience to handle this transition more smoothly. Not surprised because I know myself well enough to recognise that any change—even positive change—affects me. It always has.
BUT the foundation is holding.
I’m still journaling. Still meditating. Still training. The fitness regime hasn’t slipped. Those things—the non-negotiables—are keeping me grounded when everything else feels chaotic. They’re proof that even when my mind is bouncing all over the place, I’m still showing up for the things that matter.
I’m also still present for the kids. Less than I was before—that’s the trade-off I knew would come—but I’m back in time to help with homework. I’m still there for piano practice in the mornings. The things that matter to them still get my time and attention. That hasn’t changed.
Progress Beneath the Anxiety
And when I force myself to look past the anxiety, there’s actual progress happening.
I’ve delivered my first piece of work. The blog has had a massive revamp—something I’d been putting off for months. I’m continuing to write, which matters to me more than I sometimes admit. I’m quoting for new work. Having conversations. Some potential projects are starting to surface. I’m beginning to get into the stride of things, even if it doesn’t feel like it when I’m lying awake worrying.
The doubts are real. But so is the progress.
What Resilience Actually Means
I think what I’m learning—again—is that resilience isn’t about not wobbling. It’s about recognising the wobble, acknowledging it, and still doing the work anyway. It’s accepting that any change, even one you choose, can knock you off balance. And just accepting that’s normal.
I don’t know how long this adjustment phase will last. Maybe another week. Maybe a month. But I know from experience that consistency beats perfection. That showing up during the wobble is what actually builds resilience. That the foundation I’ve built—the journaling, the fitness, the meditation—is strong enough to hold me whilst I figure out the rest.
A Confession and a Reminder
This post is partly a confession and partly a reminder—to myself and maybe to anyone else in the messy middle of change. The uncertainty doesn’t mean you’ve made the wrong choice. It just means you’re doing something that matters. Something hard. Something worth the discomfort.
As Marcus Aurelius said:
“It’s possible to start living again! See things anew as you once did - that is how to restart life!”
Or more simply: return to your core principles when balance is lost.